I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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