Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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