You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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