I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
