I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
