is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
