they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
