Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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