there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
