The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
