ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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