I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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