I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
where am i from again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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