drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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