I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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