My sheets look like a crime scene.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
