I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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