Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
