My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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