Swine flu. Run for my life!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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