Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
