addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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