Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
