according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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