So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
