The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize