help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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