At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
