I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
