genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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