Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i dont even know how to be here
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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