Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize