My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
