Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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