He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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