Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im holly from the hills drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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