I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
