So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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