She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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