We won't sleep together?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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