I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
