You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
