the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
