Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
