yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
