he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i think i just lost a toe
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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