Got a toothbrush?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
