i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
