Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
