forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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