Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
