He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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