Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
