I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
did you just send me my own nude
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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