I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
