sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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