I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
