Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
