It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
