I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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