pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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