Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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