I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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