Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drunk is not a location!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize