I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
