People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
