you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Will you blow on my dice?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
