At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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