How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
