dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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