I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
